Good Morning! And Happy New Year! Or should I just say Happy Year?
Maybe it’s not new at this point, but this is my first post of the New Year.
So I will say it again Happy New Year! And how about it, are you happy? Ha, this is a question I truly struggle with all the time. I have a hard time discerning if I am supposed to even be happy. Of course, I am, right? I mean the song says so….”Don’t worry, Be Happy” (Dooo do do do do do doooooooooo do)
Well, it is not really my personality to be overflowing with happiness, I have battled negative thinking most of my life. I have found myself in situations where I wasn’t sure if I was loved or valued. I found that under the surface, I was trying to compensate for all the emotional pain that seemed to occupy most of my childhood years.
I had ultimately turned to food to fill my the emptiness and provide comfort. I used it to mask the real feelings to the point where I actually began to think my problem was with food. I remember early in Celebrate recovery attending small group meetings and identifying myself as someone who struggled with codependency and food addiction. I began to realize, that for me, this was my identity. I was convinced that it was because of my struggles with food that I had developed feelings of shame. The connection between food and shame were so closely intertwined, the lines so blurred. I was deceived and spent my time and energy focused on the wrong thing. This struggle became my identity and I no longer listened to the parts of me that needed to be reminded I was a child of the King. So many voices had told me so many other things. I couldn’t hear what God was trying to say to me above all the other noise.
Last year, after living in North Carolina for about 6 months, God showed up one Friday night at a Celebrate Recovery meeting in Selma. I didn’t go to that meeting expecting to have God meet me there, as He did. I went because that is what I had committed to do with my Friday nights. I went because I wanted to fix what felt so broken in me. Despite this fantastic lifestyle change, I was still struggling with being happy. God in His grace brought me here, where I wasn’t even planning on being at this stage of life, to make a place for me to hear HIS voice.
I must confess, This new year, I made resolutions, switched up my quiet time to freshen it up, and have my “word of the year” however, the struggle is real.
I want this year to be different. I want all the victory(last years word) to flood my life. But what I really want is to feel like I am not still doing the same things, thinking about the same things, the same way, and expecting anything to be different. God is always faithful…but am I willing to sit still and listen. To forfeit what I have known and what is familiar, for what I am not sure of? Am I willing to take a risk, believing He is the Alpha and Omega and not only will He go before me and behind me, but He is in the Middle. He is in this place…my right here and now moments. Your right here and now moments. Are you in the middle of something? A journey, that you have started to believe is too hard? God is right there, waiting to lead you out, no matter how long you have been doing the same things and waiting…wanting something to be different…I promise you that God sees you and hears you. You have not been forgotten, and He will do for you what it is you long for.
Be still and know(recognize and understand)that I am God. (Psalm 46:10). He doesn’t just say cease striving,(Be still) He also says to commit everything you do to Him(the Lord.) Trust him and he will help you. (Psalm 37:5)
Let’s agree to come back here together Friday. To taste and see that the Lord is good. Let’s agree to stop circling the mountain and take the risks that will bring us to firm ground. Let’s agree to believe God and His Truth found in the person of Jesus. Will You do it? Will you dare believe that happiness is available?