Hey, friends. I’m afraid that my Monday mayhems have been extending to Tuesday mayhems, Wednesday mayhems, Thursday mayhems, etc., etc., etc. over these past few weeks.
In fact, six days ago I told my husband, David, that I didn’t want to write my blog posts for the following (this) week.
“I don’t feel like writing them,” I said.
“It’s not about you,” he said.
And so here I write the very first post in our new series on freedom, to be read on the verge of Father’s Day….
“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:11, English Standard Version).
Once upon a time, there was a blond-haired 4-year-old who regularly pretended that she would one day marry her very own Prince Charming, Bo Duke from The Dukes of Hazzard. (You know, the blond, cute one?).
She would wrap herself in the orange, brown, and Dijon mustard yellow afghan her mother crocheted (We’re barely out of the 70’s at this point, friends, so yes, an ugly afghan made an awesome wedding dress), put on her mother’s high heels (if she wasn’t around) and stagger (sometimes freefall) down the hallway to her anxiously awaiting prince, a doorframe.
She would imagine her daddy, an honest-to-goodness Methodist pastor at the time, pronouncing them “Husband and Wife,” and she would kiss her prince (doorframe) and stagger back down the hall into the ballroom (dining room) where they would celebrate their nuptials and live happily ever after….
Except that this blond-haired little girl who loved Bo Duke something fierce grew-up, and The Dukes of Hazzard eventually went off the air.
At 16 the then brown-haired girl watched her parents’ marriage end in divorce, and although angry and confused and heartbroken herself, she soldiered on, determined to one day find and marry her Prince Charming. But her first marriage unhappily ended after her husband held a razorblade in front of her and made promises that he would cut her. Clearly he was not her Prince Charming.
But then a year or so passed and this happened….
And then another year or so passed and this happened….
And then a rather short year and some change (hehe) passed and this happened….
And then several years later, THIS happened….
Yay! I (you knew “she” was “me,” yes?) found my Prince Charming and obviously we’re living happily ever after, Amen!?
So David and I have been married for close to 9 years now, friends, but, unfortunately, I’ve been living a good deal of those 9 years in the “if he would just” mode because, well, let’s face it, David’s not Jesus (hopefully no one is shocked by this truth).
If he would just love me the way I want him to. If he would just tell me he loves me more. If he would just talk to me more. If he would just share his feelings more. If he would just show me more affection. If he would just do more around the house. If he would just get a different job. If he would just, if he would just, if he would just.
David = Prince Charming? I don’t think David would disagree with my saying that he does have some faults and struggles of his own….
Hey, friends, have I mentioned that David takes me and our boys to church on Sundays and Celebrate Recovery on Fridays—like every Sunday and Friday as long as we’re not out of town and no one is sick? Have I mentioned that he has attended Bible studies (and is getting ready to attend another one) with me so we can grow in our faith and walk with God? That he has completed his own step study, and is working on his own recovery?
Have I mentioned that when I felt led to begin a couple of different ministries, and I told David that one ministry would require money, he said, “No problem. We’ll make it work”? And when I told him that the other ministry would require a weekly time commitment, he said, “No problem. I can watch the kids or if I have to work, we’ll hire a babysitter”?
Have I mentioned that David is my biggest fan? That sometimes when he comes home from work he tells me that he shared Share His Peace with one of his customers? Or that sometimes he comes home from work and he tells me that he read my post and it was amazing? Have I mentioned that he reads all of the posts, friends, and not just the ones I’ve written, but every single post any one of us has written, because it means that much to me? Or that he created the Share His Peace logo for me? Have I mentioned that?
Have I mentioned that David does the majority of the housework? That there are many days when I come home to a clean kitchen and a vacuumed floor? Or that almost every day he goes the opposite way to work to drop Caleb off at daycare so that I don’t have to? Or that almost every day he comes home the opposite way from work to pick Caleb up from daycare so that I don’t have to? That when I tell him we’re having pizza for the gazillionth time in a week because I’m focusing on everything else but dinnertime, he says, “I’ll go pick it up”?
Have I mentioned that my husband is a man of great integrity? That he will not tell even a “little white lie” to his customers at work, although it could mean making some extra money? Or that he will not throw someone else under the bus to get himself out of trouble, even if that someone else caused the mess that got David into trouble in the first place? Friends, have I mentioned that my husband will not speak poorly about people, even if they’ve wronged him?
Have I mentioned that when I let the he’s-not-meeting-my-needs-and-doing-what-I-want get the best of me and I tell him to pack his stuff and leave he tells me, “No,” and stays?
And friends, have I mentioned that when I’m in the woe-is-me-funk like I have been in the past couple of weeks and I’m moody and dramatic and sometimes downright hateful, that David is still loving and supportive? That when I talk (and talk and talk and talk) about my fears or insecurities as a wife and a mother and an educator and a writer and a whatever else I’m trying to be, he reminds me of my God-given gifts and skills and talents? That he reminds me of God’s love for me? That he reminds me that God is with me and for me? That he reminds me that it’s not about me (Remember the beginning of my post?), but that it’s all about Him, and that He has to be the center of my life?
These, and I haven’t even mentioned all of the “Have I mentioneds” that David does for our two boys….
Our life is no fairy tale that’s for sure, but certainly, David is my Prince Charming (minus the blond, Bo Duke hair-lol).
You see, David chose me as his wife and the mother of his children in spite of my divorced parents, my abusive exes (including an ex-husband), and my 10,000-page-plus-book-length-list of other life happenings and persons that left me a hot packaged mess of control issues, worth issues, trust issues, needs issues, A-Z issues. And really he chooses me daily when he does all of the “Have I mentioneds” for me and my boys.
You see, friends, God gifted us all with free will (freedom) to make our own choices in life. David could have easily decided that I had too much baggage. He could easily decide that I still have too much baggage. But he didn’t, he doesn’t. Friends, David even chooses to love me when I’m pretty unloveable. My prince, who’s so very imperfectly perfect for me, chooses me again and again and again.
Happy early Father’s Day, David, because I know you’re reading this! Thank you for choosing me over and over.
And happy early Father’s Day to you and yours, friends!
Will you join me this Faith-Full Friday where I’ll talk more about fairy tales and freedom?