“Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
I love my family. My husband and my kids. I am so proud of them and who they are to me. I love my grandchildren. They are so amazing. I love the two I am estranged from even. My heart can’t help but love them.
I love cooking and serving people my food. I love to sit at the beach and swim(we will call it that for argument’s sake) in the ocean. I love to bird watch and love going hiking. I love writing and reading.
My point as I enlighten you a bit on who I am, is that there is an endless scope of things in this world that I love. But ask me what I am passionate about and the list of things shrinks down pretty small.
My passions lie in really just in two places, currently, although they have one common denominator. I love being married and having a family. I love to meet people at all the various stages of life and talk with women about their homes and families and encourage them (based on the word of God and my experiences). Loving my husband is a bit of a ministry to me. Well, that’s maybe not exactly what I mean to say. We have been married 26 years and I believe that through thick and thin the LORD has completely directed my steps in how to be the right help mate for my husband. He has instructed me on the type of love and respect that will speak to Mark the most. He knows, He has seen Mark through many seasons in this life.
My other passion, is helping people. I mean like really being a source of encouragement and strength to people, all the while pointing to Jesus, the Word of God and His direction. When I lived in New York, it wasn’t quite as obvious to me, mostly because I was pretty involved in running our business and our home. So when we became part of Celebrate Recovery and experienced the healing and resourcing of Jesus through the Eight Principles and Twelve Steps, well I was so pumped up. It saved my life, my marriage and began to give me back the relationships with the family that I had so loved for so long.. My children saw me as respectable and lovable again. I wanted everyone to know about the awesome potential this program has for changing your life for the better.
When I read a good book, I want to tell you. When I try a great restaurant I want you to know. When I experience the life changes that Christ died to provide me with, well, you’re gonna hear about it.
I have probably said it here before, but Mark and I felt as if all we needed when we relocated was a dynamic church and a strong Celebrate Recovery. I never even could have imagined it would be what it is.
A couple months ago, on a Sunday afternoon, my husband asked me what the desires of my heart were. We had given our testimony at a Friday night meeting for the first time as a couple. I was so excited by what I felt God was doing and could do through our willingness to reach the brokenhearted and discouraged. Between Mark and myself, we have been through it all.
I was very caught up in the validation that I was experiencing. Very caught up in finally having a chance to tell “the world” the miracles God had done in our lives.
So when Mark asked me that question, I vomited this enthusiastic, “write a book and begin this journey of sharing this story and helping people with my story.
I won’t bore you with the details of the horrific opportunity that the enemy had grabbed hold of to shake me down and leave me to believe that there isn’t really much good I can offer people. After all, the fall out from” the desires of my heart” well at the risk of sounding dramatic, I wasn’t sure we were going to survive it. None of my desires included my husband’s. He was crushed to say the very least..
n the moment, I couldn’t see it. Yet, that question and that Sunday afternoon have remained enmeshed into my spirit. It’s been a frenzy of conviction and confession. I began to unravel as my self worth started to bottom out like it hasn’t in about a decade. Suddenly, EVERYTHING seemed to be causing me to fragment and fall apart and question myself about who it was I was becoming.
Yet, within me was still this innate desire to help people. To get it together for them and keep it together for Him. It’s the core of my codependency. To be something. To be seen as something and valued as something.
Well, God has shown up in the bottom of my pit and lifted me out and expressed His dying love for me.” But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. “ He loved me enough to chasten me and root out the poor thinking that had me sitting there to begin with.
Humbly, I begin to see that I need to be in God’s will. To wait on His timing and not run ahead.
He’s not finished with me yet. I think I was on the right path, with my passion for helping people. With my passion for ministering to women of all walks of life sharing my experience strength and hope with them. But it’s not my show… it is God’s. I need to not take credit, because every victory I have had is merely because He has gone before me. He has made a way and been the light.
If not for that day on Calvary, when darkness fell on the whole Earth as the Son of Man died on that cross for the sins of ALL mankind, for my sin and yours, I scarce can imagine what state I would be in.
As we celebrate this weekend, the death burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, Savior of the World, I pray you can reflect on how He has set you free.
Maybe you need to return to the foot of the cross and receive His gift of salvation. Maybe you need to release control of all the things that you cling to daily trying to make your way through life. His death was intended to cover our sin, it was personal.
Have you taken it personally. If not, my prayer for you today is that you will find a place to meet Him at and let Him be the Lord of your life, the Prince of Peace, Jehovah Jirah for whatever your heart needs. Can I pray with you now?
Father, You are not just the atoning sacrifice that provides a way for us to go to heaven and live eternally. That is well and good but your death was meant to provide life for us here and now. Your word says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness,” so Father, we do this. I pray that right now as you bend your ear toward us, listening intently for the one who whispers Your Name, that you would meet us where we are. You change hearts and lives. You are for us and not against us, You bring peace and grace and mercy whenever You enter into communion with us. We need a Savior, both for now and eternity. I pray that we can release control and receive all that you have for us. It is in the most holy and precious name of Jesus that I pray.